creating space for all of your parts
It was through the therapeutic approach called Internal Family Systems started by Richard C. Schwartz that helped me put words to my understanding of mind and body. I have always believed that humans are holistic, mysterious and beautiful creations but along with this I was aware that there were different parts of me that made me a whole human.
Schwartz explains that we have different parts of ourselves that make up our whole. More specifically we have our exiled parts, our manager parts and we have our fire fighters. There are many parts in these three categories and each persons parts look different but each of these categories makes up the person.
Recognizing you are made up of different parts can be really healing. Instead of believing that all of you is a certain way or that all of you is bad you get to recognize that there are many beautiful, wonderful parts of you but some of the parts we don’t like as much might be taking the front stage at the moment. So how do we create space for all our parts? Not just praise the parts we like about ourselves or just shame our parts that we don’t like as much, but truly create space for all parts.
Schwartz explains that our exiled parts are parts of ourselves that have experienced some sort of pain, trauma or neglect. Often times the managers and firefighters come in and try to hide these parts of ourselves from our consciousness. I like to think of it like a home. The exiles are the parts of ourselves that we keep in the boxes in the basement because we do not want to deal with them or look at them. There is a fear that if we open them up they might be too messy to put back in the box or they might take over our lives, so we just keep them in the box and hide them. The thing is is that if we do this for too long they will slowly find ways to creep out of the box and make their way upstairs. This can be through flashbacks, somatic (body) memories or fears of intimacy and relationships. While it may be scary it is important to give space to your exiles, remembering that you are always allowed to put them back in the box and in the basement when you become too overwhelmed or disregulated. The important thing to remember is to go back to them slowly and overtime. It will become easier and they will slowly start to integrate into your life.
The firefighter parts of our self, according to Schwartz, are there to distract the self. They are specifically important when the exiles creep out of the basement and onto the main floor. They do this by using coping mechanisms or anything to distract the self from having to deal with the pain of the exiles. While there is a purpose of the firefighters to helps us not become overwhelmed at times, there is also a time for us to tell the firefighters to take a step back and allow the exiled parts to have space. Each part of you deserves to be seen, no part of you is too bad or too ugly.
Lastly, the managers are there to protect the self, according to Schwartz. The managers help the self perform in the world in a specific way so that they do not feel the pain that the exiles felt. The managers do all they can to prevent the self from feeling pain and shame.
All of these parts are important, all of these parts are needed. You are worthy to recognize all of these parts and give space to all of these parts. When you are willing and a part arises that you are not comfortable with give it some space. When you start to feel overwhelmed practice breathing exercises and then put the uncomfortable parts back into the box and come back when you are ready.
Internal Family Systems Model: Crowe associates. Crowe Associates | Committed to people development. (2019, April 11). Retrieved December 28, 2021, from https://www.crowe-associates.co.uk/psychotherapy/internal-family-systems-model/
