Letting your partner in On your anxious thoughts
What if my thoughts are too much for my partner?
What if they think I am crazy or unstable?
What if my anxious thoughts come to life after telling them?
These “what if” statements can be harmful for your personal healing and to the growth of your relationship. It is a scary thing opening up to someone and letting them have a glimpse of the thoughts that are going on in your head. Often times it feels easier to put a face on and pretend that everything is fine, but that can only last for so long. After awhile there is a possibility of you blowing up, shutting down or running away because the pain of isolation and loneliness with the thoughts gets too big. You are not alone in this. You are not crazy. You are a human who has anxious thoughts and that is normal.
What are some benefits to letting your partner in on your anxious thoughts?
While it can be a vulnerable, scary conversation explaining your anxious thoughts and how they affect you, it can also be healing and comforting. As soon as you open up that door with your partner, you are no longer walking this road alone. You have someone at your side who can hold you when you are weak and speak truth into you when all you can hear are lies. They may not fully understand, but they are still capable of supporting you if you communicate your needs. This process can be liberating and freeing. When you speak aloud your anxious thoughts they no longer have the hold on you when they were trapped in your mind.
What does it look like to let your partner in on your thoughts?
First and foremost it is important that your feel safe with your partner. There is no pressure to let anyone in to your anxious thoughts, especially if it is not a safe relationship. After you decide if this person is safe or not, dive deeper into what your anxious thoughts are — where are they originating from? how old are they? what do they typically have concern for? When you have a better idea of what your thoughts are, you feel more in control and are able to communicate them more clearly. Once you feel safe with your partner and understand your thoughts (to some extent, you may never truly understand them fully) tell your partner that you desire to talk to them about something that is hard. Maybe schedule a time so both of you know something is coming. Once you are in the space to talk with them, talk at your own pace, you do not have to tell them everything right away. Maybe just start with “I have been having some anxiety and I am not sure how to express it yet but I want you to know.” Communicate your needs from your partner and give them space to respond.
Anxiety can be isolating, but you have the ability to speak the thoughts aloud and bring light to them with other people. You are not alone in this, many people have the same thoughts as you. The more we speak out about them the more normalized they will come and the less lonely you will feel.
